The best way to build relationships is to ask not “what can you do for me?” but “what can I do for you?”

Beyond Networking Audio Tutorial

“It’s not what you know, but who you know.”

All my life, I’ve heard people repeat this phrase. I’ve heard people claim it as gospel truth in the most positive way possible, and also people who have uttered it as a bitter excuse for why they haven’t been more successful. The way each of us responds to that phrase likely depends on whether or not we feel like we know anyone who has helped us in life—or put another away, whether we take a scarcity or abundance mindset when it comes to the topic of networking.

We’re calling this module Beyond Networking, because while we believe that what you know does matter, we also believe that who you know matters too, that one of the most important things you can do for your podcast is to build relationships with others in the industry.

To illustrate that point, we’re including several conversations with master networkers, including Jasmine Hammond and Ashton Carter from Pod People, a whole community dedicated to connecting podcasters and helping them find jobs. I also spoke with Arielle Nissenblatt, whose many endeavors include founding EarBuds Podcast Collective, co-hosting several podcasts, co-creating Outlier PodFest, and working as a community leader at Squadcast. This week’s assigned episode and reflections conversation is with Alexandra Cohl, who carved a space for herself with her podcast review website Pod.draland, hosts the podcast The Pod Broads, and now writes a monthly newsletter called Podcasting By the Moon.

All of these people understand that the best networking is relationship-building, and that the best way to build relationships is to ask not what can you do for me, but what can I do for you?

You’ll spend some time in this week’s module thinking about the forms of networking that you enjoy most, and setting goals for yourself to integrate connecting with others into your regular schedule.

You’ll create talking points and a short trailer to use for podcast promo swaps so you’re ready to reach out to other podcasters. We’ve even provided an email template to help you get started.

Finally, you’ll create your own community-building code of conduct, your best practices for relationship building. We hope that whether you love or hate networking, this module will get you excited to connect to others. To kick off this conversation, we want to share our own community building code of conduct, which you’ll hear echoes of in all of the conversations in this module.

First, seek out opportunities to encourage others. This doesn’t have to be something you spend a lot of time on. Sometimes a quick email or social media post to say, “I listened to this and it was great!” is all it takes to make someone’s day. Sometimes, it can lead to a conversation.

Second, seek out connections with people who you can genuinely support and celebrate. Not everyone is for everyone, and it’ll be a waste of time for both of you if you don’t actually like what they’re doing or think it’s good. There are endless opportunities to connect with people who are doing work that aligns with yours, so don’t spend a lot of time on connections that are clearly not a good fit.

Third, start every conversation with “I see you what you’re doing, and it’s great. What can I do for you?” This doesn’t mean that you need to work for free for others or give false praise. It could be something as small as a social media shoutout now and then, or it could be putting them in touch with a friend or colleague in the industry who you know and who you think they’d like to know.

Fourth, be nice. It sounds so basic, but being kind to others can go a long way. If people don’t get back to you right away, don’t assume the worst. We live in a world where most of us are busier than we’d like, and you have no idea what demands they’re juggling behind the scene. Extend grace whenever possible—even when people don’t extend that same grace to you. You don’t have to spend time with people who don’t treat you well, but try to avoid burning bridges. The industry can be a very small place, so be known as the person who is wonderful to work with, not the person who threw someone under the bus because they didn’t get back to you for months.

Fifth, say you’re sorry when you make a mistake. Anytime you’re working with people, there is going to be the potential for conflict. Sometimes you’ll have a bad day or say or do something careless because you’re tired. It happens to everyone, and if you go through life without ever making a mistake, you probably aren’t spending much time with other people. Whenever possible, try to approach those situations with humility and acknowledge that you still have something to learn. Take responsibility for your errors, and find tangible ways to do better. Seek advice in equal measures from people who will support and encourage you, and also people who will challenge you and help you grow. Jay Sheddy has a nice episode about this in our inspiration section this week, where he reframes even negative interactions with people as ones that can help us.

Sixth, when you do need to ask for something, try to limit yourself to just one ask. Make it easy for people to say yes, because you’ve done most of the work for them. And remember that it’s a lot easier to ask for favors if you already have a relationship with that person.

Finally, make time for connecting with others. Every week, I have a couple of blocks on my calendar that are reserved specifically for conversations I might have with others in the industry. Sometimes those get scheduled far in advance through Calendly, but more often than not they’re last minute, a quick offer I put out to someone who is interested. At least half of those conversations are with people who I may never talk to again, and often they are people who are not in a point in their career where they can help me. I love those conversations, because my sole objective is to encourage them and ask them what I can do for them. It was during one of those phone conversations that I met one of our Kasama Collective graduates, who nearly a year after we spoke applied for our program. Today, she’s someone I recommend for freelance gigs that require a strong writer. When I was visiting her city while I was presenting at a conference, we met for the first time in person and it was like meeting an old friend. Because that’s the beauty of relationship-building. You never know when or how those connections will come back around. They’re important for bigger reasons than promoting your work. They’re important because they give us a tangible way to make a difference in the world, and to feel less alone in the process.