Episode 100: performance review // Friday, July 17
Shelter in Place Podcast Performance Review
Employee Name: Laura Joyce Davis
Title of position: Host, producer, writer, editor, production manager, sound engineer, operations director, finance manager, business development, fact-checker, donor relations, sponsorship coordinator, and office manager.
Reviewed by Shelter in Place HR
Period covered by review: March 17 to July 17, 2020
Section one: Job Knowledge
Rating: Good.
While it is generally not advisable to begin a project mere hours after the idea for said project is conceived, the proposal was approved because it was seemingly low-risk due to its pro bono nature, and there was {quote unquote} “historical value” of chronicling this quarantine. It was not evident to management the extent to which the employee lacked the skills to edit audio, but some improvement has been noted in this area.
Laura’s comments:
I’ve been writing stories all my life, but let’s be real. When I started this podcast on March 17, I had no idea what I was getting into.
When I came back from that fateful bike ride on March 16, struck by what felt like divine inspiration and a creative energy I hadn’t felt for a very long time, the kids had only been home from school for one day. Nate still had a job. Even though I made my pitch to Nate in a bike helmet and those dorky diaper butt biking shorts, he agreed. We didn’t really believe that this pandemic would change anything.
“I’ll just write a single draft and record the first take,” I reasoned. “It’ll be rough. Just whatever comes out. Kind of like journaling. I’ll just do it for me.”
That first week I tried to stick to that plan. I tried to be done by noon so Nate could work in the afternoon while I took my shift with the kids. But I kept pushing that time later and later. When Nate lost his job, my half days turned into full days. Even a few days in, the project felt bigger than me.
I didn’t know anything about editing audio, so sometimes I stumbled over my words. Especially in those early episodes, you can hear in my voice when I was tapped out, sleep-deprived, and writing from the dregs of a life spent wrangling obstinate children. It took me two weeks to realize that my theme music was drowning out my voiceover, and another week to learn how to fix it. I thought, well, that was that. At least there’s tomorrow.
And as someone who spends months or even years writing and endlessly revising novels and short stories, it was good for me to loosen up. To realize that no one else cared as much as I did if my work wasn’t perfect. I tried to remind myself of that when I noticed some phrase or word I was unconsciously returning to, or when my attempts at tenderness turned saccharine. In another life I would have edited out all of those imperfections. In this one, I just kept moving.
I watched YouTube videos and learned how to edit my audio. I did interviews, using my years of fiction writing to create a narrative arc in each conversation, to make people sound both exactly like themselves--and also like the most thoughtful, articulate version of themselves. I started playing around with layering voices, like in episodes 88: Temper Tantrum and 96:Fierce. Recently I added Easter Eggs for people who listen through the credits. I’m planning on going back to past episodes and adding more.
The more I learned, the more ambitious I became. My days kept getting longer. I didn’t want to work such long hours, but also, after being the primary caregiver for eight years, writing every day was a new kind of relief. After years of squeezing my fiction into the margins and rarely achieving the sense of progress I craved, I was working every day, honing new skills, with clear milestones along the way.
Section two: Judgment: Did the employee make decisions in the best interest of the company while performing their duties?
Rating: Needs Improvement
Project approval was contingent on a three-week scope of work. The employee consistently failed to seek approval through the proper chain of command, and showed questionable judgment in continuing beyond the initial conditions of employment without approval from management. Inaccurate estimates for project implementation were a chronic issue, and must be addressed for the project to continue.
Laura’s comments:
When this started, I didn’t even know that “daily podcast” usually means Monday through Friday. I even considered doing Sundays. I didn’t stop to consider that all of the podcasts I love have teams of people and budgets big enough to pay them.
Was it really necessary to release episodes on Memorial Day and the 4th of July? Couldn’t I have at least given myself the holidays off? Why did I feel so bound to the parameters I’d set even after the quarantine extended? Who did I think was keeping score?
There’s been so little in our world that we could count on during this time. The thing that kept me going week after week after week after week was hearing from you all of you. I’d made an early promise to show up and create something six days a week. And I was hearing from enough of you to know that that promise meant something. It wasn’t much, but I wanted you to know that I wouldn’t bail just because life was getting hard.
Many years ago I came across James Clear’s blog post about The Four Burners Theory. The burners, as he defines them, are Family, Friends, Health, and Work. He quotes David Sedaris saying “in order to be successful you have to cut off one of your burners. And in order to be really successful you have to cut off two.”
I didn’t just turn down one burner. I turned off three. After years of trying to keep all of the burners at a low flame, working a lot made me feel successful--for a while. James says we have three possible options when it comes to the four burners: we can outsource one or more of our burners, embrace our constraints, or accept that this is a season of life where we won’t be as productive or as balanced.
I mostly outsourced childcare to Nate, who has been gracious, but has also sometimes growl-screamed like a monster and threatened to quit. Grace often complains that I’m “just a boring work mom” and left a particularly heart-wrenching note on my birthday that said, “Mommy, please stop working.” When one of the kids wets the bed in the middle of the night, they go to Nate now, not me. There have been some tense moments at Shelter in Place headquarters when I was working into the night, abandoning Nate to the 5-8 p.m. bedtime battle, when our children shapeshift into goblins. I’ve worked twelve to fourteen hour days six days a week like it was normal. I’ve forgotten how to have a good night’s sleep. I’ve let exercise fall by the wayside and drank so much coffee.
James writes,
“The Four Burners Theory reveals a truth everyone must deal with: nobody likes being told they can't have it all, but everyone has constraints on their time and energy. Every choice has a cost. Essentially, we are forced to choose. Would you rather live a life that is unbalanced, but high-performing in a certain area? Or would you rather live a life that is balanced, but never maximizes your potential in a given quadrant?”
Clearly, this has been a season of accepting a certain amount of imbalance for all of us. But no one should continue at this pace.
There’s a phrase that’s been thrown around a lot during this pandemic: productivity porn. It’s showing off how much we can get done now that we’re at home all the time. I’ve been aware that this podcast could be perceived that way--it’s been anything but.
Because pretty early on, it became clear to me that this wasn’t just a podcast. It was a chance to rethink life.
Doing something every day forced me to take a very long, hard look in the mirror and decide if I was going to do something about what I saw. I knew I had the capacity for workaholism, but this was the first time I’d gotten a chance to work at something I really loved. I saw how my ambition could be an idol or gift. I saw up close up the ways I’d let down my friends and family, how selfish I can be. I realized that there’s a war inside me every day, between the desire to live comfortably and the desire to live well.
And I tried in episode after episode to be real about these things, to use every interaction as a chance to extend kindness and generosity, to do better than I had before at saying thank you.
So yes, things will be different in season 2--assuming we get there. We’re planning on three or four episodes a week instead of six. We’re taking a break between seasons so we can get the work out there and make it sustainable.
If I had known that we’d get to 100 episodes, I never would have taken this on. Which is not to say I regret it. Because I’ve learned so much. It’s connected me to all of you. It’s made me realize that though we’re all coming from very different places, we have a lot to offer each other--even when we can’t be physically together. I feel hopeful about the future because of you.
Section three: Leadership & Initiative
Rating: Above Average
Given the constraints of this project, the employee’s proactivity is commendable. It has been noted that the employee’s core competency of “feelings” has been leveraged to facilitate a wide range of episodes and variety of content.
Laura’s Comments:
These are strange times, when the boundaries between personal and professional have blurred like a child’s watercolor.
Days after Shelter in Place began, Nate lost his job and we had to pull the plug on our plans to move to Mexico. The original plan was to be on our way there now. Sometimes it feels like this time of quarantine has just been one wave of loss after another. It’s been a season of forced minimalism, living with less and less while more and more is taken away.
There’s always a sense of missing out when you’ve moved far away from your family, but that distance has never felt greater than it does now. Our extended families have lived so much life without us during this quarantine. I shared one especially painful instance of this in episode 68: Difference. I’m slowly coming to terms with the knowledge that we may not see them for at least another year.
But there’s a persistent hope that has been there in the background in episode after episode. Even as I see our country and our world become more polarized and divided, I’m experiencing something quite different in my day to day living because of this podcast. I’m having conversations with people that are raw and deep, and I’m listening a lot more than I’m talking.
I keep thinking about something Muoki Musau said to me in episode 67: Circling Back.
We don’t have to agree with each other. But if we’re willing to consider the possibility that the people we disagree with might be saying something true--it’ll change us.
I’ve found that statement working on me as I talk to people who are leading the charge on becoming antiracist. It’s softened me when I hear strong words that I’m not sure I agree with. It’s made me willing to listen when people talk about belief or unbelief, about justice or forgiveness. Just allowing for the possiblity that what they’re saying might be true has made me more open-hearted. I’ve tried to be honest about what that process has been like.
I don’t think I would have made it to 100 episodes if I were putting on a show. If you’ve listened from the beginning, then you actually know me quite well. If you’re still here, then it means you’ve decided to stick around anyway. And that means more than you know.
Section four: Planning and Organization
Rating: Satisfactory.
Recommendations were made for focusing on non-controversial topics, but were not followed. However, synergy between audio diary, research, interviews, so-called “creative writing,” and the twelve recurring themes has been observed. Episode content was at times unexpected, but did reflect current events.
Laura’s comments:
A lot has happened in our world as I’ve written these episodes, and I’m pretty useless at compartmentalization since I’m an Enneagram 4 (you’ll know what that means if you listened to episodes 74 through 86). So on the days when the world felt particularly broken, you got my brokenness, too.
From the very beginning, Nate’s Aunt Sarah, who created our logo and other graphics, asked us a very pointed question:
what was this show really about?
In the beginning it was simple: it was about not going crazy, about making it through another day. But over time we realized that what we needed was different depending on the day. There were days when we needed levity and hope. Days when we missed human touch or community. Some days we needed to laugh, or cry, or just simply stop and rest.
Twelve themes emerged, and Nate created a way to explore episodes by theme on our website.
I’ve shed many tears over the course of these 100 episodes--but I’ve laughed a lot, too. Each review, email, or text from listeners has reminded me that I’m not alone. Through all of it, I’ve tried to come to you not as an authority, but as a fellow traveler.
It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s been good.
Section five: Budgeting and Fiscal Responsibility
Rating: Needs Improvement
The employee’s extensive research in monetizing project deliverables has been observed. Reduced discretionary expenditures have been a favorable aspect of project execution. However, to expedite a win-win, implementation of additional revenue streams is strongly recommended.
Laura’s comments:
Funding this work--which is to say, funding our life--is the greatest challenge that Shelter in Place has to overcome. In a very sobering conversation last week, Nate’s business-savvy cousin Katherine told us that entrepreneurs should expect to work 12-18 months without pay. But since we don’t have that long, we need to get creative.
In case you’re wondering, we’ve heard from industry veterans that it is possible to make a living off a podcast. Whether we’re talking about NPR or the two guys rehashing Scooby Doo reruns--yes, there’s a show for that--podcasts survive through donor support, sponsorship, selling merch, or ad revenue--or some combination of all of these. In the coming weeks while we’re not making daily episodes, we’ll be devoting more time to these efforts. If we’re going to make this a business, we need to run it like one. We now have a way for listeners to become both monthly and one-time supporters on our website, shelterinplacepodcast.info.
This past month we've had conversations with interested agencies about sponsorship and representation. We’ll pitch to more places during the break. We’re excited about the possibility of getting Shelter in Place to other parts of the globe, and are looking into translation. It’s been wonderful to have the continued support of Brick & Mortar, Delta Wines, and Imagine Mindfulness, and we highly recommend their wine and meditation, because let’s face it, you probably need both of them right now.
And finally I have to say that this work wouldn’t have been possible without Nate, who put his advertising background to use and took on this internship. Tamarra Kemsley has advised and guided us, launched and managed our social media presence, and insisted on working for far less than she deserved. Sarah Edgell has donated her time, challenged us to articulate our vision, and believed in us from the very beginning.
Whether you’ve been here since episode one, or you’re just stopping by for the first time, we want you to know that you’re welcome here. Have a seat and grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. We’ll skip the small talk and listen while you tell your story. We’d love to hear from you. You can stay in touch by signing up for our newsletter at shelterinplacepodcast.info. We’ll share important updates on season two, and how we’re seeking sanity in the meantime.
We know that there are many worthy causes out there right now. To all of you who have supported us, it's an honor to have you in this Shelter in Place community. We look forward to building something beautiful together. I want to thank each of you:
Elliot Davis,
Jennifer Sheedy,
Lin & Peter Chin,
Patti Wessner,
Elena Lovo,
Kirstin Hernandez,
Tracy Maciel,
Sarah Nidy,
Tala Aziz,
Senhit Dirar,
Annie Gullick,
Meta Kendrick,
Rebbeca Bodenheimer,
Jen Houser,
Lyle & Tina Joyce,
Chelsea & Chris Boniak,
Anne & Tyler Elliston,
Ben & Bethany Corrie,
Jake & Jennifer Armerding,
Alexis & Matt Iaconis,
Alice & Damon Snyder,
Nina LaCour & Krysten Stroble,
Jenna Rentz,
Roxane Beth Johnson,
Jen & Brain McKillips,
Paul Baker,
Robin & Jack Davis,
Tony Doerr,
Kaitlin Solimine,
Mary Reed & Dan Livsey,
Jodi Buyyounouski,
Gabriele Edgell,
Anthony & Michelle DeVito,
Lucy French,
Meera Nair,
Sande Rud,
Jesselle & Nick Miura,
Karyn Kloumann, and
Dave & Kathy Emmans . . . these 100 episodes are dedicated to you.
Shelter in Place began as a pandemic podcast, but it’s become so much more.
It's about finding our place in a world that keeps changing.
About a shared commitment to the conversations that will bring us together.
About reaching out instead of hunkering down.
About opening our hands instead of closing them.
About living not in independence, but interdependence.
Ultimately, Shelter in Place is not just about where you find safety, but about where you belong.
Until next season, this is Shelter in Place. I’m Laura Joyce Davis.
Show notes:
James Clear 4 burners
https://jamesclear.com/four-burners-theory
I first heard about The Four Burners Theory from Chris Guillebeau, who heard about it from Jocelyn Glei, who read about it in this New Yorker article by David Sedaris, who was told about it by an Australian woman named Pat, who heard about it at a management seminar she attended. If you’re keeping score at home and trying to figure out where The Four Burners Theory originated from, well, good luck. The above quote comes from the New Yorker article by Sedaris.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/whats-with-you-scooby-doo/id955463858